I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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