apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
