Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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