is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
