I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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