Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
