so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
