i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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