Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
