omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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