where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize