Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
