I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
