i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize