dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize