around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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