how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
