remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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