I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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