When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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