My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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