Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
