I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
