I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
