My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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