Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
