so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
