we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
