Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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