dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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