his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
