The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
