I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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