pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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