I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize