Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm having to shit out rocks
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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