So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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