I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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