Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize