Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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