mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
