went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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