Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
