I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
