If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
