Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
