Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
