There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize