My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize