she woke up with a sticky ear
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize