I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize