Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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