They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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