its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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