Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
