I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We just shotgunned beers for America
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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