Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
