I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
