I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
