I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
