1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
