Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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