Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
