He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
