How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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