So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
